To Give the Lady the Wall

            A hundred years ago good manners were a sign of wealth and breeding.  Probably hundreds of books were written on the subject.  These gave advice on every situation one could possible encounter and were indispensable for the newly rich who wanted to enter into High Society.  Demonstrating proper etiquette was a good way to indicate that you belonged.  Having the right amount of money was not enough.  In a lot of ways High Society in America was even more conscious of their behavior than their European counterparts.  Europeans used the age of their family lineage as the determining factor in deciding who belonged to the “in” crowd.  For Americans this was not really a very viable option.  With the country only 100 years old bragging of their long familial lineage was not that impressive. Organizations like The Daughters of the America Revolution certainly tried, and continue to do so today, but with mostly limited success.  Money and lots of it was, and continues to be, the first factor in considering who are “the best people.”   Once this primary consideration met then families could move onto establishing their identities as members of High Society.  Good Breeding was identified with good manners.  Someone who was ill bread would demonstrate this through their lack of knowledge regarding proper etiquette.  Frequently fathers who founded great family fortunes employed tutors to educate their children in the etiquette of High Society.  Gaining entry for their offspring into a club they themselves could never really hope to belong. 

            Good Etiquette dictated every situation and every action of someone’s life.  Nothing would so quickly mark an individual as a member of the best people as their conversation.  The art of conversation was considered one of the most important skills one could possess.  To be able to properly carry on a conversation required one to be witty, intelligent and demonstrate some knowledge of what is going on in the world.  Even expressions of strong emotions whether it be anger, boredom or even passion were strongly discouraged.  Presenting the appearance of being pleasantly cheerful regardless of ones true feelings was absolutely essential.

            Even greeting someone on the street was fought with possible pit falls for the uninitiated.  For example when greeting a gentleman with whom a lady is acquainted, regardless of the level of intimacy, a lady would give a small bow which the gentleman would return.  Failing to return the greeting was the height of rudeness.  If a gentleman wishes to speak with a lady with whom he is acquainted, because of course he would never venture to speak to a lady whom he has never been introduced, when he encounters her on the street he would not detain her but turn and accompany her in the direction in which she is headed for the duration of their conversation then return to his own destination.  A lady should never stand on the street to converse with a gentleman.  To be seen doing so could lead to speculation regarding her character.  When walking with a lady the gentleman should always “give the lady the wall” thus placing his person between the anything that may be splashed up from the street by passing vehicles and the lady.  It is easy to forget in our day of modern sewer systems and storm drains just how truly disgusting the streets could be.

            When one thinks of complicated etiquette noting strikes fear into modern society quite like being seated at an extremely formal dinner which seems to be include every possible version of silverware and dishware available.   This was no less true at eh turn of the 20^th century when an average small family dinner, among those who could afford it, included a minimum of five courses and a large formal dinner could last for several hours and include dozens of courses.  Using the wrong fork with the wrong dish or even holding the utensil incorrectly could mark a person as one who didn’t belong.  It was considered essential that this be part of the educational curriculum for children of high society. 

            Although we like to think of ourselves has having moved beyond these measures of breading and on to the more enlightened idea of judging a person for themselves we have not.  Etiquette is still a powerful indicator of who belongs and who does not.  Those who forget this do so at their peril.